This is a personal choice that each widow must make for herself. I was very up front with them and told them how I felt and what was going on.I did sweat a little over starting to date after only a couple months. Of course I waited several months to make sure it was more of a serious relationship before I opened up to them.which was funny and only slightly less embarrassing).Sadly, the name switch up is just part of being widowed.Did you take your wedding rings off before you started dating? It took me months and months to remove them permanently and in the end I opted to have them remade into a custom ring I could wear on my right hand so I’d always have that little piece of who I was before to carry with me as who I am now.Have you ever called him by your late husband’s name? And not for anything special – just asking him to bring the laundry upstairs. Fortunately he had a good sense of humour about it (and a short memory).
” The point here is that everyone out there, especially those who don’t know what they are talking about, has an opinion on this.I still kept some of Craig’s clothes (now integrated into my own wardrobe) and several boxes of his awards, comic books, and other memorabilia. Somehow they always ended up finding their way back onto my left hand.These live in my office closet where I can take them out and look at them whenever I feel the need. I loved them so much it was beyond painful to lock them away in a jewellery box where I’d never see them, never get to enjoy them for what they were – a beautiful gift from my loving husband.You can’t love someone all your life, whispering their name out loud and in your thoughts a thousand times a day without inevitably letting it slip out. It did, however, make me more forgiving of my poor mother who was constantly trying to keep her five kids’ names straight.Do you ever think about your husband when you are with him?Sometimes my new husband says the odd thing that will remind me of Craig or I’ll hear a song on the radio while we are driving in the car that will make me tear up. Everyone knows the person on the furthest side is safe.Fact is, my new husband is my shoulder to cry on and the one I’ve vented to, talked to, and poured my heart out to through this whole ordeal so the subject of widowhood and my late husband is one we are both comfortable with. I don’t believe it was for a reason or his time to go or any of those things. They are both very different and that’s one of the things I like about each of them. It’s not so much that I prefer the left side or the right side. Oh and, yes, in case you were wondering, my darling husband reads everything I write, corrects my typos, laughs with me, lets me cry on his shoulder, and is the second chapter I never thought I’d be lucky enough to have.No, and this is probably my least favorite question. It actually makes my skin crawl whenever somebody asks this one. Not because I didn’t feel ready, but because I was sick with worry over what others might think. A very wise widow once told me, “I fulfilled every marriage vow right until death do us part – can others say the same? I also brought up the general topic of potentially dating and shared with them how I felt several times leading up to the big announcement.” Whenever I got flack from outsiders, I would silently chant this to myself. When I did tell them, I opted for a well thought out email rather than telling them in person so they could digest it without having to worry about me seeing how they reacted.