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Rules for dating in your forties

You’ve come this far: You and your guy connected online, emailed a few times, spoke on the phone and now it’s time for your “meet date.” You are compatible in the virtual world. Now it’s time to see how it goes in the real world. Better than when you are 18 and hot to trot, better than in your 20s when you didn’t know yourself from a hot rock or your 30s, when your…Dating in my twenties and thirties made me feel like Odysseus, trying to choose between dashing myself on the ego-bruising rocks of casual romps or a slow death from unrequited lust for garbage humans.There was the ex who brutally dumped me but wouldn't stop emailing me for months, whose presence at dorky work gatherings made me dizzy; the sociopathic film critic whose shoulder I virtually cried on; the go-nowhere first dates; and the great, wide swaths of time spent single, usually pining after some unavailable director or writer who'd relish my attention and nothing else. There were a few things that sent me into a panic about turning 40, but the biggest — looming larger than the golden ring of a book deal or a staff job or, like, finally going back to yoga — was what it meant for me to still be single and actively looking for a partner at that age. If you're not familiar with the exciting world of online dating, sites and apps let you set search parameters that range from location to body type to education and, yes, age range.Not so much even that I was single, but that I and what that implied. There are plenty of things I simply do not give a single solitary fuck about when it comes to what women my age are supposed to be doing. Just as there are movies on Netflix you might never stumble across in your bleary-eyed scrolling, there are plenty of people you might never see through some whim of programming code.

Those exceptions take effort, and online dating is like Amazon Prime for sex.

Michael also prefers older women though I assume he wouldn't kick a younger woman out of his bed for eating crackers."Since I was about 17, I've always found something alluring about 'older' women," he wrote me.

"Now that I'm 31, I realize that I just liked WOMEN.

It’s as true online as in person; flirtation isn’t about being a tease, it’s about showing your interest and curiosity… Is it attracting the interest of couch potatoes, the chronically ill or the guys just looking for a little action? I did it for about 30 years and I experienced all the hurt, confusion, frustration, hopelessness, boredom, and exhaustion that comes with it.

If so, you are likely making at least one of the mistakes commonly made by women over 40 who are using online dating as… So what’s the thing about dating that bothers you most? What if I told you that falling in love when you are 40, 50, 60 or beyond is the BEST time?

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