They want to come into a relationship with baggage, but they don’t even want you to have a carry-on.”Divorced in 2015, Haynes believes the double standard stems from a fear of dealing with the children’s mother.“You can’t just stereotype a black male to have ‘baby mama drama’ just because he’s not with the mother of his kids.”Morenike’ Giwa, 29, a mother of two girls, said social media has changed the dating scene so that courting is no longer first and foremost.“I feel like it’s hard dating now,” said the Matteson resident. But Michael Haynes, a 31-year-old single father of three, says it isn’t any easier. Add the mass incarceration of the black male population and that 54 percent of black children live in a single-parent home, and you have some very specific concerns.“The ratio is a lot different for women to men, so of course there are more single women out there than single men,” said Tana Gilmore, a Joliet native and half of The Matchmaking Duo of Fisher and Gilmore Matchmaking, based in Charlotte, N. Gilmore says that many times when clients come to their agency, “they haven’t had a lot of healthy relationships around them to model themselves after.”Single parents are still trying to find their way through a dating world that may appear to have gotten easier with the advent of dating apps. Still, race can color dating experiences in minute and major ways. In many ways, the mechanics of dating are universal, regardless of whether you’re black, white, brown or “a colorless person,” as Raven-Symone famously described herself to Oprah in a 2014 interview.
This won’t apply to every black woman, but it wouldn’t hurt to infuse some intersectional feminism into your game.Intersectionality would help because it’s an understanding that a person’s experiences are shaped by their gender, race, physical ability, and socioeconomic class, to name a few factors.In other words, you should be looking at the to any of these, then you should take a step back to reevaluate.He kept touching my hair without my consent, was legitimately disappointed that I could not twerk, and called me “sassy” whenever I voiced an opinion that was different from his.Unfortunately, that wasn’t the first or last awkward date I’ve had with a white man.“People need so much growth in the education of being in a relationship, and actual dating, that it’s affecting our generation and our black community. I don’t think the generation before us took things so lightly when it came to dating and spending your life with someone.I feel like there aren’t enough black men in the world to be able to have what we want.We ended up hitting it off, but it wasn’t until our first date that I realized I had underestimated the wingman’s abilities.The guy did, in fact, have some kind of black girl fetish.My friend likes black girls, but he doesn’t like them too dark!” Against my better judgment, I assumed that the wingman just wasn’t very good at his job and started talking to his friend anyway.